[.Dexter & I, it's a complicated relationship.]

I've been given a new task at my job. It's been a rather challenging one. It has tested my patience, brought me to my knees in tears but has been rewarding in some deranged, unusual sort of way. So here's my record of experiences from my new task of taking care of the office mascot and his daily needs.

My Report on my first week with Dexter.

So far our first week was rather disappointing. It all started when some of the agents were mentioning how unsightly he is and poking fun at his paltry two strands of hair. I think he was upset that I did not defend him, possibly also that I may have chimed in a little. It's obvious he is very insecure, and apparently quite vengeful.
In my defense, I try to dust him and style his hair on a daily basis. But I’m cannot work miracles people!
The next morning I receive a note on my desk saying “How can you love nature, when it did that to you?”
I looked at him and asked “Are you really that bald or is your neck just blowing a bubble?”
He just stared at me with his mouth open.
The next morning, I thought the grudge he had was over. I seated him up right and went to check the phone messages. When I sat down, the chair slid downward so that my chin hit the desk. I’m pretty sure that he got into my computer and messed with MS Word. Because whenever I would type an email my name would be automatically replaced with "I’m a LOSER" and the word "the" was replaced with "DEXTER RULES". Later on, I went to grab a paperclip and they were ALL connected adding up to about 25 ft.
The following day was a little more eventful.
He deliberately changed the first cursor from an arrow to the same thing they use for the "Busy" cursor on my mouse. Just to see how long I would stare at my screen waiting for the computer to finish what it's doing.
I temporarily lit his hair on fire.
At the end of the week, I could tell by the blank look on his face that he was truly sorry for what he had done. We set aside our differences and realized that we are stuck together and we need to be professional.
But don’t be surprised if I might just take a nice, long drive. And when I’m driving, I might just roll down my window. After that, I might just inadvertently throw him to a stray dog.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
☺