[.Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.]

Might as well get this over with. I apologize for an extended absence. Blah blah blah....busy busy busy. I'm lazy. Here’s a list of things I’d like to accomplish, maybe.

1. Run a 5K. Do this completely and without walking. And beginning the race at the mile 2 marker does not count. Because maybe one time you and your friend were trying to get to the starting point but were running late. And maybe you came across the race at the mile 2 marker. So being normal and sane, maybe you just started running at the mile 2 marker. And then maybe you had to act more tired and winded than you really were when you reached the finish line so as not to tip anybody off. This is all hypothetical, by the way.

2. Find a good volunteer opportunity. Perhaps something with animals and whatnot. Or maybe Habitat for Humanity. Find some way to give back, because listen to this...this guy I know got pulled over for speeding, and when the cop came to the car to do the usual routine he asked my friend what he did to help other people. My friend told the officer how he helped with the youth at his church, and to make a long story short, my friend basically got a warning. So that made me think about what I would say, and I'm not proud of the fact that there was not much that came to my mind.

3. Do something with the gym membership. Either use it or cancel it. Using it would require me to switch to a closer location, preferably near my house. Canceling would mean admitting that throwing away $29 a month is stupid. I convince myself that this isn't a large amount of money, but it is. And I convince myself that if I quit, then I will just have to turn around and pay start-up fees down the road, but if you add up all the monthly dues I pay for nothing, then I have paid a lot more than a simple start-up fee.

4. Swim in a swimming hole. Probably need to head to Apache Junction for this.

5. Figure out my 401K situation. Right now, my old 401K has been rolled over into an IRA...I think. See what I mean? I have no clue. I'm guessing it's the numbers in the name. 401 are numbers and numbers have to do with math, and anything that has to do with math....ppppfppfft! and I probably need to remedy this situation.

I know I sound ignorant, let me 'splain.

In the fifth grade, I attempted to cheat on a fractions and percentage test. I say attempted because I got caught before I could even get the goods. For some reason (probably fake illness) I missed the original test and had to make it up. And back then I did not understand fractions or decimals, largely in part because I chose not to understand them. Also that large gap of school I missed when my Dad died when I was nine.
So, I was sitting in our empty math class room taking my test, all the while knowing that everyone had already got their graded tests back and those were in everyone's math folders sitting on their desks. So I got the bright idea to look at someone's test to check my work. And then the teacher (Mrs. Fava-fatwitch) walked in. And then I had some 'splaining to do. I think she realized I was cracking under some intense 5th grade pressure, and combined with my sterling reputation, decided to take pity on me by giving me a 60% or something on the test rather than give me zero. However, at the time I was either student of the month, or was about to be student of the month, so needless to say I was stripped of the title and all the benefits of said title. And that is why I don't cheat: A) I'm not good at it and B) I can't handle the guilt that comes with it.

Now I'm feeling all guilty. Kind of like, how I felt this morning on my way to work. This Lexus in front of me had a license plate that said 'THKSLRD'.
Now, this makes me really jealous. Apparently, Jesus gave these people a Lexus and all he ever gave me was some teenage guilt and confusion. Maybe if Jesus would have given me a car I would have stuck with that whole church thing rather than skipping merrily down the path of heathen bliss which certainly leads straight to hell. So I would like to hereby officially offer to give the religion thing another shot, provided that Jesus provides me with a new car. I think I would like a Range Rover, but if all he has is a Lexus I will take it.

Okay, now I am feeling guilty about what I just typed.

I digress.

-C