[[.The Spirit of Christmas.]]
Ah, tis the season...
I have spent an unreasonable amount of time NOT Christmas shopping in the last month, which almost certainly guarantees that the following will happen:
1. I will HAVE to be finished by this Wednesday.
2. I will begin hating every Christmas gift purchased sometime around Christmas morning.
3. I will panic.
4. I will RESUME shopping, and buy NEW gifts for the same people for whom I have already purchased gifts.
5. I will then live in glowing holiday peace for about twenty minutes, until:
6. I decide I hate the new gifts even more than the first gifts.
7. I will panic.
8. I will throw myself desperately into debt, purchasing THIRD gifts for the same people for which I have already purchased TWO gifts.
9. I will panic.
10. I will have to sell my soul on eBay.
This seems to happen every year. Every year, I start Christmas shopping late, and every year, what seemed like a brilliant idea on December 1st seems awful and cliche and TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE by December 10th. But I never actually purchase any of these awful and inappropriate gifts. Oh, no. I assume every great idea or gift I saw from then will be there until now. I also have no concept of time.
And then my poor family members end up with a selection of presents ranging from awful to desperate, with no discernable purpose or theme, grouped together only by the guiding principle of "All Smooshed Into The Same Bag" because I don't know how to wrap presents.
Also guaranteed to happen, which has..
11. I will purchase a load of Christmas cards.
I will send exactly zero Christmas cards.
This also happens a lot. The package sits unopened on my desk. Leering at me. Because it knows, it KNOWS, that I have never in my life sent a Christmas card. I went to all this trouble of getting everyone's address and now they are going to be checking their mailboxes daily asking themselves "why?"..well, maybe not. But at the same time, it's not like any of my friends asked for my address that day and I sure haven't received anything in my mailbox.
Nope, I'll just receive maybe two, at the most of these lame, generic myspace comments wishing me "Merry Christmas!". So thoughtful and heartfelt.
So today I'll be shopping and praying that I am able to get everyone the gifts I'd hoped for.
I have spent an unreasonable amount of time NOT Christmas shopping in the last month, which almost certainly guarantees that the following will happen:
1. I will HAVE to be finished by this Wednesday.
2. I will begin hating every Christmas gift purchased sometime around Christmas morning.
3. I will panic.
4. I will RESUME shopping, and buy NEW gifts for the same people for whom I have already purchased gifts.
5. I will then live in glowing holiday peace for about twenty minutes, until:
6. I decide I hate the new gifts even more than the first gifts.
7. I will panic.
8. I will throw myself desperately into debt, purchasing THIRD gifts for the same people for which I have already purchased TWO gifts.
9. I will panic.
10. I will have to sell my soul on eBay.
This seems to happen every year. Every year, I start Christmas shopping late, and every year, what seemed like a brilliant idea on December 1st seems awful and cliche and TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE by December 10th. But I never actually purchase any of these awful and inappropriate gifts. Oh, no. I assume every great idea or gift I saw from then will be there until now. I also have no concept of time.
And then my poor family members end up with a selection of presents ranging from awful to desperate, with no discernable purpose or theme, grouped together only by the guiding principle of "All Smooshed Into The Same Bag" because I don't know how to wrap presents.
Also guaranteed to happen, which has..
11. I will purchase a load of Christmas cards.
I will send exactly zero Christmas cards.
This also happens a lot. The package sits unopened on my desk. Leering at me. Because it knows, it KNOWS, that I have never in my life sent a Christmas card. I went to all this trouble of getting everyone's address and now they are going to be checking their mailboxes daily asking themselves "why?"..well, maybe not. But at the same time, it's not like any of my friends asked for my address that day and I sure haven't received anything in my mailbox.
Nope, I'll just receive maybe two, at the most of these lame, generic myspace comments wishing me "Merry Christmas!". So thoughtful and heartfelt.
So today I'll be shopping and praying that I am able to get everyone the gifts I'd hoped for.
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2 comments:
Hahaha, I liked this one.
Stop pretending to be a Scrooge! And you always pick the right gifts, they're thoughtful and special.
So calm yo' ass.
LOL this stuff happens to me too! Did you get that Hippo?
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