[.Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.]

Might as well get this over with. I apologize for an extended absence. Blah blah blah....busy busy busy. I'm lazy. Here’s a list of things I’d like to accomplish, maybe.

1. Run a 5K. Do this completely and without walking. And beginning the race at the mile 2 marker does not count. Because maybe one time you and your friend were trying to get to the starting point but were running late. And maybe you came across the race at the mile 2 marker. So being normal and sane, maybe you just started running at the mile 2 marker. And then maybe you had to act more tired and winded than you really were when you reached the finish line so as not to tip anybody off. This is all hypothetical, by the way.

2. Find a good volunteer opportunity. Perhaps something with animals and whatnot. Or maybe Habitat for Humanity. Find some way to give back, because listen to this...this guy I know got pulled over for speeding, and when the cop came to the car to do the usual routine he asked my friend what he did to help other people. My friend told the officer how he helped with the youth at his church, and to make a long story short, my friend basically got a warning. So that made me think about what I would say, and I'm not proud of the fact that there was not much that came to my mind.

3. Do something with the gym membership. Either use it or cancel it. Using it would require me to switch to a closer location, preferably near my house. Canceling would mean admitting that throwing away $29 a month is stupid. I convince myself that this isn't a large amount of money, but it is. And I convince myself that if I quit, then I will just have to turn around and pay start-up fees down the road, but if you add up all the monthly dues I pay for nothing, then I have paid a lot more than a simple start-up fee.

4. Swim in a swimming hole. Probably need to head to Apache Junction for this.

5. Figure out my 401K situation. Right now, my old 401K has been rolled over into an IRA...I think. See what I mean? I have no clue. I'm guessing it's the numbers in the name. 401 are numbers and numbers have to do with math, and anything that has to do with math....ppppfppfft! and I probably need to remedy this situation.

I know I sound ignorant, let me 'splain.

In the fifth grade, I attempted to cheat on a fractions and percentage test. I say attempted because I got caught before I could even get the goods. For some reason (probably fake illness) I missed the original test and had to make it up. And back then I did not understand fractions or decimals, largely in part because I chose not to understand them. Also that large gap of school I missed when my Dad died when I was nine.
So, I was sitting in our empty math class room taking my test, all the while knowing that everyone had already got their graded tests back and those were in everyone's math folders sitting on their desks. So I got the bright idea to look at someone's test to check my work. And then the teacher (Mrs. Fava-fatwitch) walked in. And then I had some 'splaining to do. I think she realized I was cracking under some intense 5th grade pressure, and combined with my sterling reputation, decided to take pity on me by giving me a 60% or something on the test rather than give me zero. However, at the time I was either student of the month, or was about to be student of the month, so needless to say I was stripped of the title and all the benefits of said title. And that is why I don't cheat: A) I'm not good at it and B) I can't handle the guilt that comes with it.

Now I'm feeling all guilty. Kind of like, how I felt this morning on my way to work. This Lexus in front of me had a license plate that said 'THKSLRD'.
Now, this makes me really jealous. Apparently, Jesus gave these people a Lexus and all he ever gave me was some teenage guilt and confusion. Maybe if Jesus would have given me a car I would have stuck with that whole church thing rather than skipping merrily down the path of heathen bliss which certainly leads straight to hell. So I would like to hereby officially offer to give the religion thing another shot, provided that Jesus provides me with a new car. I think I would like a Range Rover, but if all he has is a Lexus I will take it.

Okay, now I am feeling guilty about what I just typed.

I digress.

-C

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[.in the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.]

So it’s been awhile, again. I suppose you all are used to it by now. I know I still have to post pictures from San Diego last weekend. And yes, those dreaded old kid pictures of me that you’ve been asking for for the last six months.

Annnyhow, I just wanted to take some time out of this hellish short week to talk about my beautiful best friend Casey (HI BFF). You may remember her from an earlier post > http://chelseylora.blogspot.com/2008/10/barbie-twins-cant-be-separated.html
After she recovered, we all thought she was going to be okay. And she was, until February when she had a large seizure that caused her to go into a coma. Casey was in the hospital, with what turned out to be a very dangerous brain lesion. Over the next few days, she was becoming progressively worse. It was one of the scariest weeks of my life. I took my cell phone in EVERY room with me, making sure I got the update. But then, her blood pressure started dropping. Casey had six different IV bags going into her at the same time. It was terrifying. I then received the dreaded call from Jodi, “I think you need to get down here and be prepared for the worst.”
They purchased the plane ticket for me and I stayed in Beverly Hills for three very long days. Both nights were spent either in Casey’s room or in the waiting room with Carl (her brother) and Meeker (close friend). The three of us sang to her, prayed for her and fought the exhausted that came both physically and emotionally. Casey and Carl’s parents begged for the three of us to go downtown and take a break. We went down to Hollywood & Hayward and checked out the Stars and the Footprints. We tried to have an okay time, but we couldn’t hide our sadness.Sunday, just hours before my flight back home, she woke up. She couldn’t speak and looked very shaken but we were all so, so relieved that she pulled through. I didn’t want to leave her, out of fear of losing her. I just didn’t want to walk away. Within days she seemed to be her old self again. Making jokes, laughing and already planning more theme parties. And so far she’s been great, but has to have surgery. Brain surgery. When?
Tomorrow.
Seriously, why, God? Did I piss someone off? Was it Al Gore? Did I piss Al Gore off? Because, Al Gore, I will heartily apologize, if you will please leave my best friend alone. I will recycle! Just for you! I will cart all of my groceries around in eco-friendly bags! I will weave them from hemp! Whatever the hell you want
I'm sorry that this entry isn't funny or light and is...totally a bummer, actually, but it was important to me to speak of someone I love so very much.So I guess I’ll leave it at that.

Waffle-

My beautiful, beautiful friend, my soul-mate…I love you, am praying for you and wish I could be there so badly with you tomorrow. You’ve been such a wonderful addition to my life and I couldn’t be happier since we’ve been so close. I don’t want to be in a world that doesn’t have you in it. If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember; you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you. I can’t wait to see you, Til then, I’ll be wearing my l0l3rskat3s racing to catch the r0flc0pt3r to hang with you. ;)

Everyone else-I'll be back in the next few days with tales of the debauchery that is my daily existence. But in the meantime, if you get a chance, please say a quick prayer or think a kind thought for Casey.

“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”

-Winnie the Pooh.

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[.Fast ship? You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?.]

It has already been a month since my last post? Really?

I don't know what the deal is, you know, with me not posting anything for forever. It might be because I've been really busy. That is a possibility.

Or, it might be because I've been trying to come up with an extra-funny essay that will make you laugh until you just fall down with all the hilarity. That also is possible. Or, you know, it MIGHT be that I have actually written THREE ESSAYS, all of which have somehow DISAPPEARED, possibly because I cannot remember how I SAVED them on this COMPUTER, because I am RETARDED.

I haven't been busy. And I was sitting here, imagining my individual brain cells, hanging out somewhere else, smoking itty bitty vials of crack or whatever, when I was immediately reminded that I need to post something before I get hatemail.
I haven't had much to say, at all the past couple of weeks..I mean, I could be making up idiotic captions for pictures I take with my cell phone in order to illustrate the random neuroses that plague me on a daily basis.

So most nights, exhaustion mixed with pathological boredom causes me to go to bed early. I managed to watch the entire Star Wars saga. And yes, I've nearly passed out on my desk trying to reach for my pencil with the force. The force is not strong in me, I fail.
The question is, what makes a geek? I’d always thought I didn’t particularly look like a geek - but that notion was shot down by a well-meaning person when I wondered why everyone assumed I was some kind of computer whizzkid. Besides the fact that I am one, of course. (in my dreams.)
I went to California this past weekend for my cousin's baby shower, it was a wonderful trip and I spent some time with family I don't see very often. Sunday morning, Heather's friend needed to be dropped off at the airport at 5:30. YESI'MSERIOUS. So we woke up at FOUR AM. Needless to say, Rob and I were ready to board a crazy train. Sunday night, my flight was at 6:35. we left at a decent time...but thanks to the universe, I get there and..:

So, I text Rob, he drives down to get me. What do we do 'til 8:40? Go to Applebee's of course! Two drinks each + dinners later, we get back to the airport and say our goodbyes. I can't say I regret it, it was valuable time spent with Rob, and to me, that is priceless.
Yeah, so. Anyway went through security, where I was not chosen for a body cavity search, which was really just shiny of TSA given the fact that I was disheveled to the point of looking like I’d spent the last year living in an isolated cabin somewhere, stockpiling weaponry and furiously typing letters to governmental agencies.

I made the flight, made it home. Yay. Now it's time for another weeked.

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